Ok... so i'm not in a poetic mood today... if that pisses you off... just wait for a day when i am poetic... :p lol... anyway... i just wanted to tell everyone that im' happy now... and that the girl who i was angry at i am no longer angry with and i wish her the best...

hmmm... as for everything else in life... well... today is my aniversery... yes... 7 years ago today i died in a car accident... so i guess it's a good day in that i'm still here... if you don't like my writing, i guess that it really won't make a difference to you, but... meh... fuck y'all... :p lmao
just kidding, anyway... :) have a great day everyone...

- Kain McBride Y!M or email

(... yes... i'm pissed... if you want to explain you're more than welcome to try...)

More Than You Know...

"I love you..."
"I love you too...
More than you know..."

what's that shit mean anyway?
that you love me so much,
you can just throw me the fuck away?
maybe that you think that things would be better today?

what, about, the time, you were away?
when we, spent to-gether, every single day
and you, told me, that this, was how it'd stay
but you lied, and fried, and tried, to me betray
so i look, at you, and don't, know what is new
don't know, what happened, what's wrong, whats up with you
don't answer, any-thing, i say or do
just deny, your part, and make, it hide from you
and now, what goes, i don't, think that you know
what happened, went wrong, what changed, it had to go
i don't, know why, i can't, let go this show
but now, it's gone, and you, i do not know
so what, is up, why don't, you just tell me
i don't, see why, you think, you can blame me
all that, happened, was 'cause, infidelity
you lied, you cheat, you hid, i could not see
and now, you still, try to, blame this shit
on some-one else, somewhere, i'm sick of it
you try, to make, me think, that i hit
something, so wrong, that made, you get out of it
you lie, to me, still now, i don't know why
maybe, it's best, that i, should say goodbye
maybe, to you, i don't, know why i try
do you, know what, you've lost, or still deny?
i laugh, sometimes, when i, sit back and think
about, the you, i loved, beyond the brink
how true, it felt, how much, you made me think
you loved, me to, but no, our love would sink
it's over, you lied, i can't, believe this shit
what's the, fuck's wrong, i could, not see it
i thought, you cared, your love, was full of shit
and now, you're gone, i guess, i'm done with it

(this is just something i started writing to someone randomly... no worries...

how ya doin lass?
did you miss me at all?
did ya notice i was gone?
did you think that maybe in there
that something had gone wrong?
did you think that somewhere still
there was somthing in the grass...
something under all...
things that wouldd be there my lass?
did ya ever wonder why?
why the things that they held true
wonder why there was no more
wonder why i'd been run thru?
maybe something over there
something farther than i see
maybe something in the grass
maybe something that killed me
maybe underneith the ground
maybe underniegh the air
maybe i cannot thin kit
maybe it just wasn't fair
i don't really undersatnd
i don't really see it right
i don't understand this shit
i don't undersatnd it's might
can you see the way i feel
can you feel the way i see
do you know what's happening
do you feel etunaty
do you watch me burn and die
do you watch me under thine
do you see my feel my pain
do you watch my wrath combine
do you know what happened then
do you know what disapeared
do you feel i cannot see
what has happened and i've feared
do you undersatnd what's wrong
do you know what happened then
do you feel and hear my song
do you undersatnd it when
when i ask you to repeat
when i ask you to saw now
that the world is full of heat
and i want to be with tthou
and the things they fall apart
and they make me want to fall
and they understand their part
and they kill me while i hall
all the things that undersatnd
all the things that never were
all the things that didn't matter
all the things that can adure
and the world was full of flames
and i lit it all on fire
and it burned while i watched
and it ashed when i retired
and i do not undersatnd
all the things that never were
but can you undersatnd
all the things there must adure
do you see what i must say
when i look and you don't see
do you see what i must do
for all eturnaty
do you want to undersatnd
what i must be feeling inside
do you want to realize
all the things that die with pride
do you want to be alone
like me, all inside my hate
do you want to realize
all the things tied in with fate
do you undersatnd my woh
do you realize my pain
do oyu understand what's wrong
do you know what has been gained

(lost my train of thought)
(hope you enjoyed it)

What the ... ??! So it's over..?

Everything, it fell apart
a broken arrow through my heart
i should have known back in the start
but i missed it, wanting your heart

what the hell? why did i miss?
when we did sit, when we did kiss
in the back, i heard the hiss
but ignored it and stayed like this...

when we watched the sky, you bled for me
you sealed your heart, eternally
i guess forever, falls to the sea
but i must accept your apology...

forever hurting in my mind...
i can't let you go, for i did bind...
but i gave it back, mayhaps too kind...
but to try again, to hit rewind...

i think i'd do things differently...
i think i'd call you to come to me...
i think i'd ask you in the city...
to pledge the love you had for me...

forget the passed, it's here no more...
it's over now, i can't ignore...
the you that loved me, ever more...
when ripples fade and close the door...

you've lied to me, and still you do...
i don't know why, what's left for you?
why still lie? you could be true...
and tell me what had changed with you...

i don't think it matters, i don't see how...
i don't know why, i see the now...
i still love you, some way, somehow...
but that doesn't matter, it's over now...

fuck the world...

the world is full of people who use you for everything you can do
they don't give a damn about what you've done or care what you've gone through
they pretend that everything you did was such a task for who?
for them, they say, "i worked all day," yeah, well, fuck you...

sometimes i guess it's best to forget everyone around
you're nothing to them anyway, just use and toss you to the ground
if anything actually mattered to them, it'd have to had been profound
but they're just little minded people who scurry round and round...

life is filled with ignorance, people who think they know
they try so hard to seem like they're right, the never let it go
all they care about is their image, the fakeness that they show
the world around them, when it looks, as if it mattered though...

blissful people all around - what a pretty thought
surrounded by the ignorant, be sure to not get caught
and if they try to take your hand, which happens quite a lot
just turn and run and get away and watch the fuckers rot...

sometimes you think that people care, sometimes you can believe
the lies around you to keep you there, to get you to not leave
other times it gets so hard, even just to breath
lets run away, yeah take my hand, got nothin up my sleeve...

(sometimes in life things don't matter... sometimes love can surpass things that you can't see it to overcome... sometimes all that matters is to be together... i hope i'm not alone in this view... i don't know... i just don't know anymore... i guess i've shown that in the recent posts... i hope you know how much i love you... and how strong love can be... trust in me and i will not let you down...)

Wind Through The Willow...

walking through the trees...
watching all the life...
loving moments past...
tangled in the grass...

i don't understand...
the things that live here...
all the green is grown...
then it all starts dieing...

i don't seem to know...
know what to do next...
everything it laughs...
while watching all my past...

i don't seem to mind...
or at least am not worth...
an understanding of this hurt...
a freedom from it's curse...

maybe it's alright...
maybe it's still fair...
just becuase i hurt...
doens't mean that they don't care...

and then when moments pass...
and things they come to be...
i don't think i know...
all eturnity...

and if you want to walk...
beside and with me...
then come and take my hand...
and feel my love for thee...

and if it doesnt' make you smile...
and doesn't make you care...
i guess that it was right...
and i should have left it threre...

sometimes when i sit...
i sit and i will write...
the feelings in my head...
get dumped right into sight...

there is no editing...
no care and no concern...
if you dn't like what you read...
then you don't like what you'd learn...

then sometime's there is...
some little extra bits...
added to trick myself...
written but not meant...

and if you still don't know...
and if you still don't care...
then i guess that's fine...
and i guess it's fair...

i don't really see...
i do not understand...
i cannot find the start...
i cannot leave this land...

i'm waiting on the shore...
alone for your return...
hoping you will find me...
hoping for another turn...

maybe i'm just selfish...
and really i don't deserve...
all the things i charish...
and all i wish to serve...

i guess it doesn't matter...
but i know it really does...
everything is backwards...
nothing is as it was...

but if everything goes backwards...
then what is really next???
if it ends in the beginning...
do i get another chance???

(ok... so i had a bit of a breakdown in my head... totally lost it... but, i don't know... i love her... i don't know what to do... there are things i wish i could take back... there are things i wish that wouldn't have happened... i don't know... i just hope that she still loves me that way... i just hope that she still can... maybe i'm just wishful...)

a thousand times forever

a thousand deaths upon my door
the times i've loved and lost you
a thousand times the wrath and more
the times i've lived without you...
a thousand miles i walked across
the times i've tried to find you...
a thousand lives grown cold with moss
the times i've had to hold you...
a thousand islands in the sea
the times that i have known you...
a thousand nations follow me
the times that i adore you...
a thousand feelings in my mind
the times that i explore you...
a thousand times that i am kind
the times that i restore you...
a thousand days in which i wait
the times i am benieth you...
a thousand years of twisted fate
the times i do retake you...
a thousand times we intertwine
the times that i lay with you...
a thousand shores spread across time
the times that i will love you...

(... i don't understand no more... just confused, messed up, no more... if it applys to you... ask about it if it concerns you... it if don't... well... i guess there's nothin to ask about then now is there? ...)

I dont know no more...

i dont understand no more
nothin makes no sence no more
can't come out and play no more?
why not just tell me before?
i don't know whats at the core
everythin's from a different shore
not that i don't care no more
but all this stuff, it starts to bore
time for new, time to explore
find all things i did ignore
not that you're not right no more
just that things aint like before
you wanna push back through my door?
try to make things like before?
time is passed, not there no more
i don't think i care no more
not that it matters anymore
everything that was before
died somewhere on a distant shore
memories are all but lore
fairy tails don't try for more
when i hurt i felt the roar
pain, insane, it tried to boar
right through my chest, my heart, it's core
and then it died, aint there no more
rely on nothing that is not your
self controlled by no one more
can't remember anymore
what it was i did adore
i guess it's over, like before
when nothing lasted anymore
and when you waited by the shore
i should have walked by and ignore
the you i saw that i adore
or at least did, but not no more
the hurt destroyed my inner core
and if it matters anymore
to anyone but me no more
then come walk back through my door
and ring my bell, and try once more
maybe then when you explore
you'll feel rejection tossed through the door
not that it matters anymore
i know you don't care like before
and why i continue for more
i don't know, i am a whore
always asking hurt for more
rejected, branded, what's my score
it just don't matter anymore
i failed, i lost, i won! highscore
but that don't matter anymore
it's all reset, pain at my core
lookin passed the old shore
i guess it don't matter no more
i guess you can't come play no more
i guess i shouldn't try no more
but you should have let me know before...

happiness unknown...

i don't know what to do now...
i decision... a single decision...
i don't understand it at all...
i don't know what to do anymore...
everything changed in just one moment...
one single moment that may not have been understood...
i don't know what to do at all anymore...
everything is different, but still the same...
sometimes it feels like it's the way it was meant...
but i don't know...
i don't believe that...
i think it was right before...
so much change... why now?
why was the change needed?
everything was perfect...
i don't know what to do now...
if a single moment in time
can change my life forever...
take away everything with meaning...
then what's the point... why bother?
i don't understand it... it's dumb...
it's stupid... why don't i understand...
am i that dumb? am i that stupid?
everything changed... and i still think it's there...
everything is gone and i can't accept it...
i don't know why... i don't know why i feel that...
it doesn't' matter... i should be able to be ok...
i should be able to move on like nothing happened...
i should be able to just continue without hurt...
why did it have to be this way?
why must i continue this road of penance?
listen to me when i'm talking to you...
you think you can control the fates of all life??
you're wrong... you've got to let it go...
you've got to understand...
you can't take everything from someone...
you can't just sit there and take it from them...
i don't know what to do anymore...
so i sit... and so i wait...
i don't know why, or for what...
i guess it doesn't matter...
when it gets here i'll know...
her decision, not mine...
i respect her choice...
but i don't understand...
and you, why did you show me this?
why did you show me her to take her from me?
why did i look in the first place...
why did i care...
why couldn't i have just left it be...
now it's over...
i don't understand why...
maybe it doesn't matter...
maybe it's better i don't understand...
maybe it's better that i suffer each moment to the fullest...
questioning everything and not letting myself passed...
maybe... i don't know...
she must know... she must understand...
so i suffer each moment...
because that must be the right thing to do...
i don't understand...
but she does...
and she must be right...
penance paid?
has penance passed?
is it done yet?
must i continue to suffer?
...

meh... don't know... if you don't like it, don't read it... lmao... imma not explain this time... ;)
oh oh oh!!!
blog seems to be active again... :)
if you hadn't noticed by the continued posting...
lol...
i haven't done that in quite some time...
but, meh... we'll see how long it lasts...
lmao...
oh - and STILL HAPPY!!!

oh, and it you're bored... you can click here...
do not adjust your browser settings...

---

things hidden
in the grass
search with your heart
search too fast
emotions so strong
how could they pass
don't ask yourself
just react, ass
find out later
what you have done
you're not alone
but what's become
react to fast
don't check the shit
base things on the past
take away all credit
emotion so strong
how could it change
how could it go wrong
but you push the page
keep talkin shit
lookin for somethin wrong
have your lil fit
'n' make sure it's gone
then realize
you're not alone
there was no demise
but you pushed the tone
still waits there
it didn't leave yet
in ignorance share
price for the jet
cost of your love
when you just can't stop
and you push and shove
and you force the chop
but it's still there
you're not alone
there was more care
than you knew was known
so you find
that you wait
and you knew
what you loved
but it's there
it's not gone
so you check
and you're wrong
nothing changed
it's the same
you just react
to damn fast
it's insane
that it's there
so much pain
everywhere
and it's done
and it's fine
it's not gone
let it shine...